What special values or insights do you share with your children?

[John Holzmann]

This should probably come as no great surprise from the author of Dating With Integrity. It's a major theme of that book:

* Based on Matthew 5:37, never say "Yes" to something . . . but mean--i.e., intend--something completely different:

• No "Yes (implying full commitment, but meaning, really, only 'maybe')."
• Nor "Yes (implying full commitment, but meaning, really, only 'it might turn out this way')."
• Nor "Yes (implying full commitment, but meaning, really, only 'I hope')."
• Nor "Yes (implying full commitment, but meaning, really, only 'I'd like it to be so')."
• Nor "Yes (implying full commitment, but meaning, really, only 'unless I think I see a better option coming along')."

--Of course, in the context of my book, I was speaking of the kinds of false, unintentional, unwanted, unmeant, lying commitments prospective lovers make to one another. But the principle remains true, I believe, in all of life.

* Physical actions communicate.

* We ought not to say in action what we cannot honestly say with words.

* Whatever I say, I need to refrain from leading others to believe I will do something that I am not now nor possibly ever will be ready, willing, or able to do. . . .

Oh! It is tough to shoot straight!

But that is a goal I seek to pursue . . . and something I have attempted to teach my kids.