I’ve been writing about some tools that can help you record your personal, family history.

I recently finished Bill Gates, Sr.’s book Showing Up for Life: Thoughts on the Gifts of a Lifetime. It’s not a particularly remarkable book among all the books one might read. But it struck me, as I read it: It is one man’s testament, one man’s summation of “lessons from life,” and it’s a good model of the kind of thing parents might do for their children in terms of memorializing family history, values, purpose, and so forth. Read the rest of this entry »

How can you maximize the time your family spends together and maximize the transfer of values from one generation to another?

I got thinking about this when my sister mentioned that her family was bringing her in-laws (both in their 90s, and not necessarily the easiest people to get along with!) into their home for several weeks. How could that time be made as pleasant and profitable as possible?

One of the things we do in our family–even now, after the kids are grown and three of the four are married, and we have five grandkids: We read out loud together. We don’t watch TV. Every once in a while we will watch a movie. But for maximum mutual engagement, besides just plain talking with one another, we will read a book together out loud.

Sarita always suggests three or four books we might read when we’re headed off for vacation. The rest of us, then, together, make the final selection.

[I should note: Sarita has an uncanny ability to choose "the best of the best" when it comes to books. But, then, I guess, she ought to! After all, she reads over a dozen books a week, and she has been doing that for some 40 years or more.]

The books themselves, of course, offer tremendous value on their own. But they also offer another value: they inspire us to interact. We always seem to want to talk about what we’re reading.

Let me illustrate. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve touched on it before. I have no question I will be writing about it again. This, perhaps more than anything else, is what distinguishes legacy planning from estate planning: the content of what some call the “ethical will,” and others refer to as a person’s “testament” or “legacy letter” or what our second legacy planner called the “family wealth letter of intent.” It’s the device–or collection of devices: written, audio, video, or other–that conveys to members of future generations the special messages the estate plan donor wants them to know and remember, the stories of the people and events that shaped their lives, the special life lessons, the heart of the donor. Read the rest of this entry »

Are you a business owner? If so, what is the real inheritance you pass on to your children?

Gary North, in the same article from which I blogged yesterday, suggests that the family business may not be part of it at all.

Potentially distressing insight, but if duly heeded and acted upon, it may make a world of difference–to your children and everyone they touch. Read the rest of this entry »

Estate planning is–or should be–about a family’s pecuniary interests, of course. But what about the things that money can’t buy? The best estate planners say you should deal with them. But these same planners, it seems to me, have a difficult time explaining what, exactly, these “other” assets are, how, exactly, these “other” assets can impact an estate, and what, exactly, you should do to maximize their benefit for future generations.

Gerald Le Van wrote an article for the American Bar Association’s Experience magazine (Summer 2006, p. 28) titled “A Family Council for the ‘Relational Estate.’” I think he begins to unpack the meaning of these “other,” intangible assets very well. He suggests that some of them are comprised of the family’s “relational estate.” Read the rest of this entry »

I read two books while on vacation the last couple of weeks: Preparing Heirs: Five Steps to a Successful Transition of Family Wealth and Values by Roy Williams and Vic Preisser, and Family Wealth: How Family Members and Their Advisers Preserve Human, Intellectual, and Financial Assets for Generations, by James E. Hughes, Jr.

Preparing Heirs goes into depth about the research behind a number one of our advisors mentioned to us: in a study of 3,250 families with significant financial assets, 70% of them failed to transfer their assets successfully to the next generation. What does that mean? They either lost all their money, or they found that the money destroyed family relationships. It blew the family apart in the inheriting generation.

When I read Preparing Heirs, I thought it provided some good insights, especially into the causes of failure. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve already read Jay Link’s Family Wealth Counseling.

He’s issued a clarion call to pay attention not only to the financial aspects of an estate plan or legacy plan, but, I would say, he calls our attention even more to the social and spiritual/emotional issues related to one’s . . . lifetime legacy.

I chose those last two words carefully.

I think we aren’t normally challenged to think in terms of our lives when it comes to estate planning. We are led to think in terms of death, dying, and what happens after our lives are over.

Link, by contrast, calls us to Read the rest of this entry »

I listed my values (as brought up through this legacy planning process). Looking back and thinking about our discussion at the Family Meeting, I realize that simply talking about these things is a significant, positive, useful step as we attempt to draw together as a family toward some kind of shared vision for the future.

It’s tough, too, however, to engage in these kinds of discussions! Read the rest of this entry »