What is the right size inheritance to give to your children?

I was first confronted with this question many years ago by an article in which the author asked if it made any sense to fund a child who has decided to rebel against everything you have ever stood for. –Should you give them an equal inheritance to that which you give your other children who are more deeply committed to the causes and values that you espouse?

It wasn’t that I had such a child, nor that I even had any wealth to pass to our children. But it got me thinking.

More recently, especially as our estate’s value has grown, I’ve been confronted by other questions. For example: Should the kids inherit everything you can give them? Read the rest of this entry »

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I love questions. If I find a good one, I often consider it almost more valuable than whatever answer someone may offer. Questions can help to reveal the truth, of course. But well-constructed questions can inspire deep thought, and the rare person who asks them can help to deepen relationships in ways that people who merely talk, or others, who merely listen, never will. Of course, merely asking the question is not enough. You have to also listen to the answers–really listen, and demonstrate that you care what the other person has to say. But that kind of questioning and listening behavior can open doors to other people’s hearts in ways that mere talk never can.

All that by way of introduction to my primary purpose, here: I wanted to share with you a set of 10 “golden questions” for parents to discuss with their children. Read the rest of this entry »

G____ sent me some notes he took during our meeting on Monday. Mostly, they are brief words or phrases. But they help give a sense of where Sarita and I are coming from. –Of course, we said far more in response to the questions than what is embodied in the few words. But it’s interesting to me to think, even, what the meaning is of these key questions and the few words from our responses that G____ recorded.

I’m afraid his brief notes (together with my spare “explanatory” additions) really don’t do justice, but I sense I should report “even” this little bit of data because it gives an idea of the kind of analysis that I think is going to (eventually, I hope!) lead to a much better long-term estate or legacy plan than we have now or that we would get if we never did this kind of work. . . .

1- What Should The Legacy Be? Our views on characteristics that the Holzmann legacy should embody . . .

Our kids should be . . .

• Solidly married
• Believers
• Doing work they enjoy
• Engaged in significant work
• Enjoying strong relationships one with another

2- Phrases That Speak to Us. Concepts and thoughts that we believe somewhat define principles which we embrace . . .

• [We're all about . . .] Influencing hearts & minds
• [We want . . . and we want our kids to be involved in . . . ] Work that makes a difference
• [We are . . .] Passionate about work and life
• [We believe in . . .] Work as a calling/stewardship
• [We believe in . . .] Education [as] inspiring/enabling to fulfill Christian “calling”
• [We want to be . . .] Purposeful/Strategic [in all we do]
• [We seek . . .] Perspective via inquiry and consensus
• [We value being . . .] Connected as a family

3- Money: Our views and attitudes about it and towards it . . .

• [We don't look to it for status and high price does not equate to "best quality" . . . as we learned through years of purchasing] “No Name” Brand merchandise
• [Money is a . . .] Tool
• [We can use money to . . .] Measure
• Money isn’t important (Happy vs. Unhappy)
• Money has rules
• Money is/can be a tool for good
• “Stuff” doesn’t matter [compared to relationships]
• [You have to keep a good perspective on the differential] Value of money vs. time

[Fundamental "rules" by which we've lived our life together, when it comes to money:]

• Save 10%, Give 10%, Spend the rest with joy
• Pay tithe

4- Vision: How would we like to accomplish our vision . . .

• Philanthropy
• Businesses

5- Values: Those concepts and principles we see as core, meaningful and defining to us and our family . . .

Most Valued
John	Sarita
Openness	Passionate Work
Passion	Charitable
Integrity	Family Connection
Created to make a difference
Relationship with God
Education/Intelligence
Questioning/Inquiry
Justice
Consensus/Collegiality
Less Valued
John	Sarita
Approval
Financial Security
Recognition/Acknowledgement
Personal Power	Solitude