Find it difficult to be involved with your family? The first step to achieve balance in this area may be to value the goal.

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How can you maximize the time your family spends together and maximize the transfer of values from one generation to another?

I got thinking about this when my sister mentioned that her family was bringing her in-laws (both in their 90s, and not necessarily the easiest people to get along with!) into their home for several weeks. How could that time be made as pleasant and profitable as possible?

One of the things we do in our family–even now, after the kids are grown and three of the four are married, and we have five grandkids: We read out loud together. We don’t watch TV. Every once in a while we will watch a movie. But for maximum mutual engagement, besides just plain talking with one another, we will read a book together out loud.

Sarita always suggests three or four books we might read when we’re headed off for vacation. The rest of us, then, together, make the final selection.

[I should note: Sarita has an uncanny ability to choose "the best of the best" when it comes to books. But, then, I guess, she ought to! After all, she reads over a dozen books a week, and she has been doing that for some 40 years or more.]

The books themselves, of course, offer tremendous value on their own. But they also offer another value: they inspire us to interact. We always seem to want to talk about what we’re reading.

Let me illustrate.

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Our youngest son called me Tuesday evening to ask if I’d like to join him as he drives home from college in a week and a half. It means I have to buy a one-way plane ticket and take a couple of days out of my schedule. As long as the airfare wasn’t too high (what’s too high?), I decided, absolutely.

Sure enough, Southwest had a great fare. So we’re scheduled to go.

I’m excited.

Is it because sitting in a Toyota Corolla for 24 hours of driving over two days sounds like a lot of fun?

No. Rather, it’s because I expect our experience will be along the lines of something Kevin Swanson, executive director of Christian Home Educators of Colorado, said a couple of months ago.

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Mark Nestmann writes in the Sovereign Society‘s Offshore A-letter about how you can evaluate the financial health of the companies you rely upon for insurance.

Among his suggestions:

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In my last post, I noted that, going in to your estate planning process, you need to answer three fundamental questions:

1. How many of the resources God has placed in your hands do you need in order to live your life as you believe you ought?
    
2. How many of the resources God has placed in your hands will benefit your heirs to help them live their lives as you would like them to be able to live?

   And, finally,

3. To what causes do you want to give what’s left over?

I said that, if you walk in without answers to those three questions, I can almost guarantee that your estate planning attorney will answer those questions for you . . . based on assumptions he or she will make in your behalf.

And what might those assumptions look like?

Here’s my experience. Most estate planning attorneys will assume you want to minimize taxes and, upon your death, pass everything you’ve saved over the course of your life–as much as possible–to your heirs: your children and grandchildren.

And beyond that?

“No assumptions.” –What else could you possibly want?

Well, let me raise some questions to see if even these assumptions are really what you want.

And in this post I hope simply to address the assumption of estate-transfer timing: the idea that your estate should pass to your heirs at your death.

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From a financial or physical wealth perspective, there are three questions every estate plan donor must answer:

1. How many of the resources God has placed in our hands do we need in order to live our lives as we believe we ought?
    
2. How many of the resources God has placed in our hands do our heirs need in order to help them live their lives as we would want them to be able to live?

   And,

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Growing up, my mom taught me a song to be sung to the tune most of us know as “Jingle Bells”:

J-O-Y. J-O-Y. J-O-Y spells joy.
Jesus first, Yourself last, and Others in between.

The priorities and values certainly appear correct according to most Scriptures of which I am aware:

Mathew 6:33 – [S]eek first [God']s kingdom and His righteousness, and all [the food, drink, clothing, etc., you need] will be added to you.

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

And so forth.

But then Jay Link comes along and says this advice is all screwy when it comes to legacy planning. Certainly when it comes to the O and the Y. Indeed, he says, the first priority in estate planning/legacy planning is–it has to be–to ensure the physical and financial needs of the benefactors are met. The second priority is to meet their heirs’ needs. And then–and only then–is it legitimate to consider the needs of others.

If any legacy planner were to attempt any other order–”Others before Yourself”–you can be confident, Link says: “The plan won’t be implemented.” And an unimplemented plan is no better than no plan.

“Oh! Horrors!” I thought when I first came across Link’s suggested priority order a year and a half ago or so. “It’s so . . . selfish!” (So opposite what my mom’s song taught!)

But over time I have come to realize how wise Link really is.

1. It is not “unrighteous,” “ungodly” or “unbiblical” to make sure your own needs are taken care of.

   According to 1 Timothy 5:8, “[I]f anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” –So by making sure you have taken care of your own and your heirs’ needs, you are actually fulfilling the “law of Christ.” You are ensuring you do avoid becoming an unnecessary burden to those around you.
    

2. As far as placing yourself before your heirs, Jay made a comment about how most parents love their children very much but are unwilling to forego their own comfort in order to increase their children’s at some unknown future date.

   I was going to quote him to that effect and leave it there, but it just struck me: that attitude may be neither biblical nor true.

   I know a lot of parents through the years who have made tremendous sacrifices in behalf of their children. They do this when their children are infants. They do it when their children are growing up. They do it again when their children have children of their own.

   I’m not saying such attitudes are ubiquitous. But many, many parents–I think of immigrant parents, especially, but lots and lots of moms, too–make all kinds of sacrifices in behalf of their children and grandchildren.

   Still. And, I’d say, especially for parents who are concerned not to place a burden upon their children, there is something to be said for making sure your own needs are taken care of so you don’t place an unnecessary burden upon your children.
    

3. As far as Jesus being first, I thought Link’s company mission statement said it well. He quotes 1 Timothy 6:17-19:
   

   Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Whoa! I had the privilege yesterday morning of listening to a high-intensity presentation by E.G. “Jay” Link, president of Kardia, Inc., a legacy planning service, and John Bandimere, Jr., president of the Bandimere Speedway here in the Denver metro area. They were talking about Link’s methodology of legacy planning. (Bandimere is one of Mr. Link’s clients.)

I garnered several really worthwhile insights from the presentation (most found in Link’s book, but, for some reason, I found some of them presented with greater force or clarity this morning). I expect to share them over the next several days. Each one in its own post.

First insight:

In most families, there are two CEOs–and they are usually not the same person! One is

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