Family Meeting Invitation

You might wish a family meeting could simply “happen.” No preparation. Let me assure you: that’s a highly unlikely scenario. So how do you prepare?

Here’s what I did in preparation for our family’s first meetings this past week.

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Beginning in 2006, when we realized all the kids were grown up, they were beginning to have kids of their own, and our youngest was off at college most of the year, we also woke up to the fact that if we were to spend any significant time with one another, we had to be purposeful about it. And so we set aside a week simply to do “fun things” together–our family’s version of a goodly portion of the Party Tithe.

So in 2006, we made arrangements to see and do and experience all the “best of the best” available in the extended Denver metro area the week before Christmas. Last year, we took the Thanksgiving Week to visit Florence, Italy, together as a family. And this year, Maui, Hawaii. This year’s Family Fun Week took place last week.

Our eldest daughter, seems to be specially gifted in organizing activities and, therefore, has served, all three years, as our unofficial but undoubted “family travel bureau and Family Fun Week organizer.” Several weeks ago, I suddenly realized these Family Fun Weeks could–and, my opinion, should–provide a great opportunity for us to meet together more formally as a family. So I told Amy I wanted to hold some family meetings. She graciously granted me permission to set up three meetings over the course of the week.

In preparation for the meetings, I sent several e-mails to the kids, along with a bunch of documents I prepared from some of the things I’ve been reading. The first one was titled “Preparation for Family Fun Week Family Meetings.” I sent it on Monday the 17th:

Dear Family:

I requested that we plan on holding some “formal” family meetings while we are in Hawaii. Amy wrote me a week ago to say that she has penciled in three meetings. She also proposed some meeting titles.

I am going to propose some alternative meeting titles. BUT . . . I thought I should pre-inform you of the matters for discussion . . . and why I believe we should discuss these issues.

Specifically, I am expecting us to talk about the following matters:

Our family Mission Statement–a “preamble to our constitution,” as it were.

Remember how the U.S. Constitution begins? “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence [sic], promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

–What is the purpose for which we have formed our family (and individual families)? And why should we care to acknowledge each other as family members? What are families–in general–all about? And why is our family, in particular, of importance to us? . . . And/or why do we think it should be important? –That is the subject for one night’s discussion!

An initial Family Governance Structure.
I expect we will want a republican form of government; but how should we organize it . . . and who should fulfill the different roles and responsibilities . . . at least at this point in our family’s development? [NOTE: I can imagine some of us will want to discuss, even, the entire idea of a family governance structure: why do we need one? Initial answer: we can't escape the concept of a governance structure, even if we never formally put one into place. We already have an informal structure. . . . I believe the questions we will want to discuss this evening will include a discussion about whether and to what extent we want to continue with this kind of informal structure in place and/or to what extent we want to formalize our structure.]

Family Non-Financial Balance Sheet and P&L Statement
In anticipation of and preparation for this discussion, I would like to encourage you to look at my Four asset classes for the growth of true wealth blog post at StrategicInheritance.com.

I am finishing a set of questions that I think might help us develop these documents. I hope to send that to you by tomorrow at the latest.

Family Financial Discussion
I’m not sure when this will fit in. Maybe it goes with the Family Governance Structure discussion. In essence, I want to bring you up to speed on where we are financially, especially with respect to charitable giving.

If I can get you to agree to this, I would love to see us share some more time together–possibly even two [more] nights!–on the following. I think you will find it rather fun:

Family Stories

I expect those of us on the “inside” are, more or less, aware of “our” stories; but the people who are married-in (P_____, D_____, and B____) may only know a few of them. So it would be well worth our while to tell these stories for their sakes. I think, however, that we, ourselves, would also benefit from the retelling. As James Hughes says (Family Wealth, p. 12), “[Family] stories are the glue that binds together the individual members of the family. Family stories give members a sense of the unique history and values they share, their ‘differentness.’ A family that does not inoculate its young against childhood diseases would be risking its most precious assets. Failure to inoculate the family’s young against entropy with the vaccine of its history and the values that are contained in its stories is similarly risky.”

But beyond the “insiders’ ” stories, I think, most of us know very little about P____’s, D____’s, and B____’s stories . . . and I think we ought to get to know their (your!) stories.

I’m putting the final touches on a bunch of questions that I think will help us dig out the gold of all of our “insiders’ ” and “in-laws’ ” family stories when we get together. I’ll try to send that out tomorrow at the latest.