10 Golden Questions for you and your children

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I love questions. If I find a good one, I often consider it almost more valuable than whatever answer someone may offer. Questions can help to reveal the truth, of course. But well-constructed questions can inspire deep thought, and the rare person who asks them can help to deepen relationships in ways that people who merely talk, or others, who merely listen, never will. Of course, merely asking the question is not enough. You have to also listen to the answers–really listen, and demonstrate that you care what the other person has to say. But that kind of questioning and listening behavior can open doors to other people’s hearts in ways that mere talk never can.

All that by way of introduction to my primary purpose, here: I wanted to share with you a set of 10 “golden questions” for parents to discuss with their children. Depending on your children’s ages, some of these questions may be more useful than others. A few may be “too mature” if your children are under, say, about 12; and others may simply not fit–or need modification–if your kids have “left the nest.”

But listen to the following questions and imagine what kinds of conversations you might enjoy if you were to ask them of your children and you were to take their answers to heart. And how might you answer some of these questions if your kids were to ask you? Could a conversation about these things possibly open some streams of communication that have been stopped-up too long?

Who is your best friend? What qualities do you admire in him or her? Does this friendship tend to build you up or pull you down?
What do you want to do with your life? Whom do you want to be like? What skills do you want to develop? Do you wonder what God’s will is for your life?
What fears do you experience? (Fear of the future? Failure? Rejection? Abandonment? Past failures being revealed?)
What books have influenced you the most? How did they influence you? Have you ever thought about writing a book? What topic could you write about?
What things in our family discourage you? (Clutter? Conflicts with siblings? Tension between parents? Unfinished house repairs? Lack of space? Rules?)
What changes would you like to see in me? (More time spent with family? Less time watching television or on the Internet? Not getting upset or angry? Greater spiritual leadership?)
What do you enjoy doing in your free time? (Sports? Reading? Projects? Time with friends?)
What hurts have you experienced from others? (Friends? Family? Neighbors?)
What things about yourself or your past would you like to change?
If you could ask God any question, what would you ask Him?

What do you think?

If your kids are between the ages of 12 to 14 on the young side, and, say, 18 to 21 on the older edge, if you truly listen to their answers, and exhibit proper graciousness and humility, might these questions provide you some wonderful opportunities to diagnose issues you would like to address in your own life, in your family as a whole, and/or with your children?

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This entry was posted on Sunday, May 4th, 2008 at 6:03 am and is filed under family relationships, kids, mentorship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.