Carol Weisman makes some really useful suggestions for a family meeting. (See Raising Charitable Children, Chapter 3.) She says in her family they start out each annual meeting by passing a list of the charities to which they’ve donated in the past. The list not only shows the names of all the charities, but also expresses why the family donated to them. Weisman says that’s a good way to get people brainstorming about where the current year’s donations might be directed.

“Brainstorming where donations may be directed” sounds a bit more free-form than I’m comfortable with. (I prefer to work toward charitable goals–i.e., have a strategic charitable goal in mind and then look, deliberately, for the best charities to fulfill them. I also prefer to pursue long-term relationships with organizations; Weisman’s language seems to imply a more . . . haphazard approach. [I'm not saying her family is haphazard. I'm merely saying her language makes it sound as of they're haphazard.]) But it probably is a good idea to keep your mind open to new options. And I am certainly not opposed to reviewing “where we’ve been”!

Anyway. After the Weismans go through their list, they then ask themselves the same “joy and sadness questions” I mentioned last time: “What made you want to cry this year?” and, “What made you want to dance in the streets with joy?”

Weisman says they always ask the same questions every year. “Maybe your family would like to ask different questions,” she says. Maybe you’d like to mix them up. And so she offers some additional thought-provoking and, in my opinion, potentially really helpful questions. Just a few:

• If you could have changed anything in the world this year, what would it have been?
• If you could help only one person, who would it be and why?
• If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be and why?

As I mentioned last time, these kinds of questions might help your family figure out what specific philanthropic goals it wants to commit itself to.

Beyond these wonderfully helpful questions, Weisman offers other practical advice. For example, she suggests, to end the meeting, the facilitator should ask each participant to summarize what he or she thought did or did not work during the meeting.

The kind of responses we frequently hear begin, “I was so surprised to hear that…” or “I didn’t know that…” or “Thank you for sharing your thoughts on…” such declarations reaffirm for us that [our annual meeting] not only improves the lives of those we help monetarily–it also brings us closer together as a family.

A couple of other practical suggestions for your annual meeting:

• Remember that food and music make any occasion special.
  So,
  • Pick a theme song for your family . . . and play it!
  • Serve a family favorite dish or drank.
• Pre-agree on the appropriate length for the meeting . . . and to stick to it.
• If you’ve reached the preagreed ending time and you’re not finished, stop the discussion and call a vote on whether to extend the meeting or not. Agree on a new ending time and stick to that.
• Make sure someone is taking proper notes. (Among other things, you should record who suggests which charities and why.)

Hopefully you’ll find some of these suggestions useful in your family’s annual meetings!

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