I’m in shock. Stunned.

J____, our legacy planner, called this morning. And, boy! He let me have it. Right between the eyes. And he wasn’t about to back off an inch from his perspective or position: He is right. Sarita and I are wrong. We have (I have) no business questioning him. Certainly not in front of others (the way I did in my “Building or Destroying Trust” letter last week, in which I copied our CPA and attorney, our company’s general manager, Sarita, and our four kids).

I guess I should note something I haven’t made clear before. J____ is a devoutly Christian man. Very concerned (as I am) about conducting his affairs uprightly, according to Scripture. Problems can arise, of course, when two devout people bump into one another as a result of differing perspectives on what a certain Scripture may mean.

For J____, the fact that I copied my email, last week, to others: that means I am wholly in the wrong. “You talk about building or destroying trust, John! You have completely destroyed my trust in you. . . . I am of a good mind,” he said to me this morning . . . –”I am of a good mind to terminate our relationship.”

I was (and still am) totally stunned.

From J____’s perspective, I have “broken” Jesus’ command/counsel/teaching in Matthew 18:15ff. (Jesus says, “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”)

Whew!

Of course, from my perspective, I thought our attorney and CPA (whose “testimony” led me to charge J____ with having misled me) needed to know exactly what I was writing to J____ so that, if I was misrepresenting what they had said (since I don’t always hear or remember everything I hear accurately), they could speak for themselves and correct my misrepresentations.

And I sent copies to other family members and to our general manager because I wanted them to know what was happening; whatever came out of my communication with J____ would have (or, at least, could have) a significant impact on their lives. . . .

But J____ was not to be placated.

I am in the wrong. Totally.

After he dealt with Matthew 18:15ff, he wanted me to know that, contrary to my claim that he had acted as if L____’s concerns are of “no account,” my claim that he “never mentioned B____ and L____’s specific counsel and concerns–especially after I raised . . . some of the very concerns that motivated their objections,” and, finally, my claim that he “never mentioned [the risks associated with his plan] to us in [his formal/verbal] presentation” . . . –Contrary to these claims, he noted that, within the plan itself he included two notes (two fine-print “Technical Supplement[s] to Advisors”), . . . and he had written them specifically as a result of B____’s and L____’s objections.

“So I did take their concerns to heart,” he said.

Perhaps you’d like to see those notes for yourself. They were identical.

To absolutely confirm that UBTI would not be an issue for InquisiCorp Ministries with the IRS, a private letter ruling on this matter would be advised.

Okay. So he had made reference to their concern; he had not acted “as if [their] concerns are [completely] of no account.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I hadn’t seen those notes. Or if I did, I failed to grasp their significance.”

But J____ was not yet done with me, so I didn’t get to say much more before he continued. He was loaded for bear, as they say.

[Before I go on, I think I should note, however: As far as I can tell, all the other charges I leveled against him in my letter are valid:

• He never mentioned that B____ and L____ had raised concerns about his proposal. As a result,
• He forced me to have to follow through on my own and find some of the very same concerns that motivated B____ and L____ to object to his proposal.
• When I raised these concerns, he still didn't say anything about their objections, and so,
• He permitted me to think and say things that were untrue of L____ and B____: that L____ and B____ must be ignorant about the issues I was raising concerning the proposed move to 501(c)(3) status.

NOTE: That strikes me. By his behavior in this last matter, he demonstrated a refusal to honor these others the way he himself wants to be honored by them (and by me).

But, whatever . . . ]

J____ continued with his complaints about me.

Among other things he said, it bothers him that I keep trying to “run onto the field and play quarterback.”

He has been doing legacy planning for years, he said. He is a Peyton Manning. And I’m treating him as if he is a rookie. I have no business second-guessing his recommendations.

If I want to play quarterback, that’s fine. But then, obviously, I don’t need him.

It doesn’t work to have two quarterbacks on the field, he said. Indeed, he is seriously considering just walking off the field and leaving me to my own devices since I seem so intent on following my own advice rather than his. . . .

“Now, hold on a second,” I said. (Not in those words. . . . I attempted to be very subdued and quiet, to help him calm down. But still. Whatever I said, I wanted him to stop for a moment.) . . . “Hold on a second,” I said (or something like that). “I don’t think I’ve been trying to play quarterback! . . . I’m still trying to determine whether I want to buy your game plan. I’m not sure it makes sense. . . .”

“I’m not selling anything,” he said.

“But of course you are!” I protested. “You’re trying to ‘sell’ me your plan. . . .”

“I have nothing to sell,” he said. “You can take my plan or leave it. It doesn’t matter to me. I get paid whether you like it or not. . . .” [And, yes, of course, he is correct. He receives a quarterly prepaid fee for his services . . . whether we use his services or not.]

In the end, as far as J____ was/is concerned, I am in the wrong. Period. I have abused his trust. I have disobeyed Scripture. I have placed him in an impossible situation by creating a rift between him and my other counselors. Now (because of my letter) I have forced him, he said, to tell me straight up: L____ is lying. L____ never said (what I quoted L____ as having said, and what L____ affirmed, again, after I quoted him, as saying . . .) — L____ never said, “Get me on the record: I will not sign off on your proposal without a Private Letter Ruling.” . . .

“L____ never said such a thing,” J____ said.

Ay-yi-yi!

Ultimately, then, from his perspective, J____ is totally in the right. And I am in the wrong. Period.

(If J____ has any inkling of being in the wrong, he certainly wasn’t about to apologize for anything this morning.)

“I am seriously thinking about terminating our relationship with you right now,” he said. “I am thinking we should have you return the plan we have given you and we will refund to you all the money you have paid us to this point.”

(!!!!)

“I don’t think that proposal is right,” I said. “For one, Sarita and I believe in the Biblical principle that a worker is worthy of his wages (I Tim 5:18), and, except for your 501(c)(3) proposal, as far as I can see, Sarita and I are very pleased with the plan you have proposed. . . .”

In truth, I don’t want the money back for his work, and I don’t want to return his plan. (I really don’t want to start over from scratch again!)

Anyway. I listened to him berate me for the better part of an hour along the lines I’ve mentioned. And I spent another 40 minutes or so attempting to forge some opportunity for future work together. . . . He said he would consider. So I guess we’ll see.

(But now I wonder: Do I really want to work with someone who is so self-righteous? . . . And do I need to ask forgiveness for having . . . disobeyed . . . Matthew 18:15ff? Did I disobey? . . . I can see that I might have acquired a better response from him if I had written to him privately. Perhaps. But . . . )

Whew!

The saga continues. . . .

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