Our family–my parents’ family–held its first family meeting, a governance meeting, last Saturday. Neither our mother (who died in 1985) nor our father (still living) participated. Indeed, the meeting came about specifically to discuss what we, his children, should do with, for, and about our father.

There were a number of obstacles we had to overcome before we could hold our meeting. For one: who would be in charge? Who should lead? Brother #1 is in Germany. Brother #2 (that’s me!) wasn’t pushing for a meeting. So it was initiated by Brother #3.

Most significant, however: the six of us live all over the world. Three of us live in Colorado (about 45 miles from one another); one of us is in Orlando, Florida; and two are in Germany–one in Hamburg and one in Mainburg–over 350 miles away from one another. Read the rest of this entry »

A wealthy man had completed his estate plan. His advisor asked, “So when do you plan to hold your family meeting to talk with your kids about their inheritances?”

“Family meeting?!? There’s not going to be any family meeting!!!”

“Oh, there will be a family meeting. The question is only when it will occur,” said the advisor. Read the rest of this entry »

Carol Weisman makes some really useful suggestions for a family meeting. (See Raising Charitable Children, Chapter 3.) She says in her family they start out each annual meeting by passing a list of the charities to which they’ve donated in the past. The list not only shows the names of all the charities, but also expresses why the family donated to them. Weisman says that’s a good way to get people brainstorming about where the current year’s donations might be directed. Read the rest of this entry »

Our older son, Luke, raised a great question during our family meeting about “our” money–“family” money (or, in many ways, “John’s & Sarita’s” money)–as opposed to “my” money (the money that Luke [or any one of the kids] earns him- or herself).

“I don’t feel the same way about the money I get from Mom and Dad,” he noted. He said he almost feels ashamed either to ask for it or receive it. The only money he feels good about using or spending is the money he has earned himself. . . .

I thought that was a good observation and something we needed (and still need to) talk about: What is our attitude about money? What do we want for our kids? What do we specifically not want? . . .

I’ve told the kids, before, about how, when Sarita and I were first married and living at the bottom edge of the socio-economic spectrum, we always kept a practical and verbal distinction between “our” money or “family” money (which we shared together; i.e., especially in the very earliest days, pretty much all the money we possessed), “my” money and “your” money.

Neither one of us was permitted to spend any of “our” money–the “family” money–unless both of us agreed. Groceries, clothes . . . whatever was going to come out of that pool had to be by mutual agreement.

The individual money–”my” money and “your” money, the money that we individually counted as our own–amounted to all of a dime a week. Yes, ten cents. Enough, barely, to buy a small pack of gum at the time (in the late ’70s). But that little, tiny piece of breathing room meant we felt free. Neither one of us could judge the other for spending that money in some manner that the other wouldn’t approve.

That little bit of money, too, gave us the ability to say, when we gave the other a gift, “I bought this with my own money.” –The gift was a true, personal sacrifice.

I sense this little story may have something to say in answer to Luke’s question. But not much.

I’ll have to think on this one some more.

Want to get a basic idea of what information might prove helpful in setting up a good legacy plan? Check out the following draft Family Wealth Letter of Intent.

Our legacy planner, having spent 17 hours interviewing us in detail on the first and second of this month, sent us the following draft “Family Wealth Letter of Intent” [FWLOI] today based on notes taken during our discussion. Read the rest of this entry »

How do you help your family members write personal resumés that will help your family account for all of its “human and intellectual capital”? Here’s one model.

[If you haven't read my preceding post about Family wealth, unique abilities, and personal resumés, I think you'll want to read it. It explains the basic idea of the "human and intellectual capital" resumé that "includes everything the particular family member believes her or his best friend might know."]

Read the rest of this entry »

As I noted last time, James Hughes says that a family’s wealth is contained, first and foremost, in its human and intellectual capital. Certainly sounds high-minded. But what difference might that make in practice? And how do you account for such wealth or capital? Read the rest of this entry »

James Hughes’ Family Wealth is exceptionally practical. With Hughes’ book, I felt all the recommendations Williams and Preisser made took on real, actionable qualities. I sensed I knew what our family needed to do and how we could move forward positively for (literally) generations into the future.

In sum: the way a family can move forward positively for generations is to establish a family government. Read the rest of this entry »