Our older son, Luke, raised a great question during our family meeting about “our” money–“family” money (or, in many ways, “John’s & Sarita’s” money)–as opposed to “my” money (the money that Luke [or any one of the kids] earns him- or herself).

“I don’t feel the same way about the money I get from Mom and Dad,” he noted. He said he almost feels ashamed either to ask for it or receive it. The only money he feels good about using or spending is the money he has earned himself. . . .

I thought that was a good observation and something we needed (and still need to) talk about: What is our attitude about money? What do we want for our kids? What do we specifically not want? . . .

I’ve told the kids, before, about how, when Sarita and I were first married and living at the bottom edge of the socio-economic spectrum, we always kept a practical and verbal distinction between “our” money or “family” money (which we shared together; i.e., especially in the very earliest days, pretty much all the money we possessed), “my” money and “your” money.

Neither one of us was permitted to spend any of “our” money–the “family” money–unless both of us agreed. Groceries, clothes . . . whatever was going to come out of that pool had to be by mutual agreement.

The individual money–”my” money and “your” money, the money that we individually counted as our own–amounted to all of a dime a week. Yes, ten cents. Enough, barely, to buy a small pack of gum at the time (in the late ’70s). But that little, tiny piece of breathing room meant we felt free. Neither one of us could judge the other for spending that money in some manner that the other wouldn’t approve.

That little bit of money, too, gave us the ability to say, when we gave the other a gift, “I bought this with my own money.” –The gift was a true, personal sacrifice.

I sense this little story may have something to say in answer to Luke’s question. But not much.

I’ll have to think on this one some more.

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How do you help your family members write personal resumés that will help your family account for all of its “human and intellectual capital”? Here’s one model.

[If you haven't read my preceding post about Family wealth, unique abilities, and personal resumés, I think you'll want to read it. It explains the basic idea of the "human and intellectual capital" resumé that "includes everything the particular family member believes her or his best friend might know."]

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As I noted last time, James Hughes says that a family’s wealth is contained, first and foremost, in its human and intellectual capital. Certainly sounds high-minded. But what difference might that make in practice? And how do you account for such wealth or capital? Read the rest of this entry »

James Hughes’ Family Wealth is exceptionally practical. With Hughes’ book, I felt all the recommendations Williams and Preisser made took on real, actionable qualities. I sensed I knew what our family needed to do and how we could move forward positively for (literally) generations into the future.

In sum: the way a family can move forward positively for generations is to establish a family government. Read the rest of this entry »

Based on the very strong negative feedback from our kids and Sarita’s request, I called InKnowVision late Friday afternoon to see if they could suggest other facilitators besides G____.

Scott Hamilton, the president, promised to call me Saturday morning at 9 to discuss the matter. Well, he did call, and we spoke for an hour and 20 minutes. I was exceptionally impressed, first, that he would be willing to speak with me on a Saturday morning; second, that he would take as much time with me; and, third, the quality of his questions. Very deep, probing, insightful. Read the rest of this entry »

Sarita took careful notes of what occurred at yesterday’s family meeting. I’m not going to walk through all the details. But I think a summary might be helpful. We actually covered a lot of territory. But what has happened in the last 24 hours since the meeting is perhaps the most surprising–shocking–result of all.

Now where will we head? Read the rest of this entry »

I sent a letter this morning to our attorney and our CPA with copies to all the members of our immediate family . . . plus G_____, our legacy planner.

B____ & L____ (with G____ “looking on”):

Outline of this email:

• Background: Legacy Planning
• Meeting Purpose
• Proposed Meeting Agenda

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I listed my values (as brought up through this legacy planning process). Looking back and thinking about our discussion at the Family Meeting, I realize that simply talking about these things is a significant, positive, useful step as we attempt to draw together as a family toward some kind of shared vision for the future.

It’s tough, too, however, to engage in these kinds of discussions! Read the rest of this entry »